Stephen Greenblatt

My Wobbly Bicycle, 31

riding a bikeYou may have been with me since the first “My Wobbly Bicycle” post last December, when I first told you about my cancer. I’m thinking of all the ways one might read the arc of these posts: (1) an opportunistic and narcissistic spilling of the guts; (2) a brave and aware facing of a serious illness; (3) evidence of the grace of God and the power of many prayers; (4) my own little self-help-by-writing-program; (5) evidence of the value of meditation; (6) my simply doing what I do, which is writing stuff down. Which of these is “true”? What have I left out?

Here’s what I said that gave me the title, “My Wobbly Bicycle”:

 We pretend there’s some solidity, some predictability. But being alive is more like riding a bicycle, balancing on two thin tires. Eventually we’ll fall one way or the other, but for the moment, we’re upright. It’s exciting, sometimes frightening.

It’s easy to pretend there’s solidity by choosing one of the numbers above, 1-6, and ruling the others out. My way or the highway. Of course we know that quantum mechanics says this isn’t true, but we dearly love a story arc, and the only way we get one is to ignore the others. Honestly, I don’t think we can live without our stories. It’s just that we take them as the Truth. . . . .

Case in point. In last week’s post, I praised Greenblatt’s The Swerve, that traces the beginning of modern thought primarily to the re-discovery of Lucretius’ On the Nature of Things.”  I’d read no reviews or commentary before I reported to you. Woe unto my students if they’d done that. An opinion/belief/point of view is only as trustworthy as the work that’s gone into seeing what ELSE is out there. I need to know what the larger community of historians say about this book. swerve book 

There’s a long review of The Swerve by Jim Hinch in the L.A. Times, another in The Guardian, and others that came out when the book was winning so many prizes. From Hinch: “The Swerve did not deserve the awards it received because it is filled with factual inaccuracies and founded upon a view of history not shared by serious scholars of the periods Greenblatt studies.”

He says: “Greenblatt’s vision is not true, not even remotely. As even a general reader can gather from a text as basic as Cambridge University historian George Holmes’ Oxford Illustrated History of Medieval Europe (1988): ‘Western civilization was created in medieval Europe. The forms of thought and action which we take for granted in modern Europe and America, which we have exported to other substantial portions of the globe, and from which indeed we cannot escape, were implanted in the mentalities of our ancestors in the struggles of the medieval centuries.’”

monks drinking beer He points out that there was much less self-flagellation and hair-shirt wearing in Medieval monasteries than Greenblatt says, and much more secularism, ribaldry, drinking, etc. He gives many examples.

And the hoards of invaders that supposedly destroyed the culture of Rome? They quickly assimilated and within decades, the areas they invaded became major centers of learning. Again, many examples.

And, he points out,  many of the supposed religious values scorned by Lucretius — faith, self-sacrifice, an identity shaped not by individual desire but by family and community — remain widespread in western and non-western cultures and are in no way inimical to human freedom and progress.”  

Hinch says it is all a “vastly more complicated, interesting and indeterminate story. . . . Notions such as the Middle Ages and the Renaissance are little better than shorthand for arbitrarily bracketed periods of time in which certain changes in the pattern of human life are interpreted as significant and others are not.”

Oh well, the book tells a good story, with no doubt some truth in it. I learned a lot, in any case.

You can probably think of hundreds of other examples, including of course politics and religion, that lay their own private grid over the ever-flowing river of reality. I just thought of another: the new DSM-5, that re-interprets certain human behavior as mental illness, certain others not. Each edition redraws the lines.

Which brings me back to my cancer, which I’ve barely mentioned so far. Hooray! I’m turning my attention away from this difficult time. Was it “difficult”? Another interpretation. It was what it was, some days I felt bad, some pretty good. If I am fortunate enough to live many years after this, how will I talk about this year? What would be a good story of it?

How am I now? Tired, tired, tired, but feeling better every day. Walking some every day, even if it’s only 15 minutes. My long afternoon naps are getting a bit shorter, it seems. And I got my hearing tested yesterday—happily, the chemo didn’t further damage my already bad ears. (Chemo destroys cilia in the cochlea)

I’m going to keep using the title “My Wobbly Bicycle” until a year has passed since my diagnosis. I want to let you know, under that rubric, how my whole hairless year evolves.

eyelashesHairless? Is that the truth? No, I still have a suggestion of eyebrows and little stubbles of eyelashes, the left more so than the right. You should try putting mascara on stubble. It gets all over my eyelids. Looking good has been really complicated this year.

My Wobbly Bicycle, 30

I’m hoping a large gothic font will translate into Wordpress because I want it as emblem, as in “This last chemo struck me like the Wrath of God.” It took five days for my body to register the ghastly conclusive blast, but register it did—stomach and entire digestive system screaming “enough, enough.” Fatigue flattened me on the couch, my entire body aching. Each day since then I’ve climbed one foothold up the cliff toward repair, but I can see it’s going to take a long time this time.

cards 2This wickedness was much improved by the arrival in my mailbox on Monday and Tuesday of an avalanche of cards from my Delaware writer-friends. Apparently a bunch of them got together and plotted this. There were cards, books, handmade books, long letters—all manner of love. I was truly back in Delaware. I’m thinking we never “move.” We carry within us our Delaware, our Michigan, our past and present. It’s always present.

Before the W O G struck, we had one lovely day at the lake. Things are ready for the arrival of sisters, children, grandchildren. Hammock’s up, screens up, dock has a coat of sealer, cottages cleaned, although not as well as in past years.

cottage ready

I read a lot while Jerry did stuff, which I have to say he loves to do. The book I’m reading here is The Swerve: How the World Became Modern, by Stephen Greenblatt. It won the Pulitzer and the National Book Award in 2011. I’ve underlined all over, which tells you how much it interested me. It relates to cancer and other wickedness, as I’ll explain.  

Fleda on dock w. bookIt’s the story of Epicurus’s (341-270 BC) vision of the world, how it was made available through the brilliant poem, On the Nature of Things, by his devotee Lucretius (1 BC), how the dominance of the Christians in Rome under Constantine (and later) destroyed the vast libraries and knowledge gained by the state’s generous support of research and scholarship, so that for at least 1450 years, Lucretius was pretty much lost, until an Italian classicist-humanist named Poggio Bracciolini found a copy in a monastery in Germany, and made more copies. Gradually, what had been lost began to filter into the discourse of the time, fueling the Renaissance.

We can’t just blame the Christians. A way of life was dying. So much money was being spent on foreign wars that people were poorer, less apt to care about philosophy or aesthetics. Sound familiar? Later, ignorance was so pervasive, the best minds were burned at the stake.

I tried to condense the book into one paragraph. What matters, though, is WHAT was lost.  Basically, it was the valuing of reason. Okay, there was a lot for Christians to dislike in what he said: no soul, no afterlife, humans are not unique, religious are inevitably cruel, life is a primitive battle for survival.

What was enticing in it? He described things as being composed of atoms. Things evolve to follow function. Everything comes into being as a result of a swerve. All particles would follow a straight course if at unpredictable times and places they didn’t deflect slightly, no more than a shift of movement. swerve book

But the main point: the highest goal of human life is the enhancement of pleasure and the reduction of pain. There were the Christians, flogging themselves and wearing hairshirts  to get into heaven, and here was THIS. Listen to this one paragraph:

The greatest obstacle to pleasure is not pain; it is delusion. The principle enemies of human happiness are inordinate desire—the fantasy of attaining something that exceeds what the finite mortal world allows—and gnawing fear. Even the dreaded plague, in Lucretius’ account—and his work ends with a graphic account. . . .is most horrible not only for the suffering and death that it brings but also and still more for the “perturbation and panic” that it triggers.

Lucretius thought people are unhappy because they make the mistake of confusing the natural joy of ordinary life with a frenzied craving to possess, to penetrate and consume, what is in reality a dream.

So even the horrors of the Black Plague—and my own particular brand of swerve and its concomitant chemo-horrors—are not horrible so much for themselves as for what flights of the imagination do with them. If we live within the ordinariness of the life we have, Lucretius says, if we look squarely and calmly at the true nature of things, deep wonder is awakened. Life, even in pain and trouble, can be full of happiness.

I’m wondering how much access Epicurus had to Buddhist texts, or if things arrive in the human mind collectively, without contact with others. . . . .

Then when I couldn’t concentrate enough for this kind of reading, I read Tom Franklin’s Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter, a heckova good mystery that combines vivid characterization with a beautifully constructed plot. Franklin, by the way, is married to the poet Beth Ann Fennelly.

I’m feeling encouraged today. There are those flashes of health/optimism that seem to arrive simultaneously in the consciousness. Small flashes get me by for now.

bicycle woman