BOA Editions

My Wobbly Bicycle, 43

BOA Editions asked me to write a short interview with myself about No Need of Sympathy, to use as they considered book design and marketing. I invited myself to my study, where we talked over a cup of tea.  We both are drinking green tea these days, for the antidioxants.interview 2

Fleda: Thank you so much for consenting to this interview. I'd like to begin with the title of your new book.  You took your title from a Robert Creeley quotation, “Poetry stands in no need of sympathy, or even goodwill. One acts from bottom, the root is the purpose quite beyond any kindness.” Besides the obvious reference to poetry, I can’t help but note that you’ve just finished chemo and radiation for a serious cancer. Are the poems in this collection in some way a reflection of that?

Self: As you may know, I’d finished this book before I knew I had cancer, but it’s interesting that “sympathy” works on the level of poetry and of personal distress. There are some poems that refer directly to poetry, but no, what I wanted, what I always want, is for the poems to reach “bottom” where the question of sympathy or lack of it is no longer an issue. To reach the place where we just SEE what is—cancer or anything else might come to mind—and that’s completely enough.  There are poems about my father, my sister, my grandchildren, a chipmunk, Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower, a giant puffball, child labor, Memorial Day. They’re all over the map, really. But I think they’re held together by the intent to see clearly, to get to the root.

Fleda:  Science and modern physics seems to come into your poems frequently, even the ones that focus on family. And there is a Buddhist overtone. How do you reconcile those points of view?

Self: Buddhist thought and the most contemporary of scientific thought are really one and the same. Just like you and me. Western culture has taken a long time to see what was understood by others 2500 years ago—that there is nothing solid, that at the root, reality is in constant flux, and what we believe is “true” is our own projection. And of course this is what poetry has been doing forever—at least some of it—uprooting what we thought we knew, pointing us toward what can’t ever be exactly pinned down. So in poems like “The Purpose of Poetry,” “The Kayak and the Eiffel Tower”—my goodness, almost any one I turn to—I’m unseating what has seemed to be the case.

Fleda: Speaking of family, you have a sonnet sequence, each of ten grandchildren represented by one sonnet. Was this hard to write, to avoid sentimentality, or to figure what to say about each one so that they’d seem balanced?

Self: It WAS hard to write. I gradually eased them into their present sonnet form from a looser construction. They are as much about the grandmother, of course, since the grandchildren are seen through her eyes. The interesting part is that some are her natural grandchildren, some are step-grandchildren, and so she needs to acknowledge some difference, her own feelings of difference. I rewrote several of them over and over to get the right balance of honesty and care for the delicate feelings of those who have physical/emotional struggles. And her own struggles! The grandmother has her own background out of which all this has emerged. She’s learning and shifting all the while.

Fleda: We’ve followed your father, the death of your mother, your retarded brother, even your grandparents, through most of your previous collections. Do you find any shift in this one, any difference in your approach in your poems?

Self: So glad you've followed my poems! I think—who knows, but this is how it feels to me—that the poems that originate with family stories have gotten more deeply embedded in the culture, the world, the network of science and thought that support those stories. The stories are true, of course, but they suggest a lot more than their origin to me. My mind is seeing them as a kernel in the middle of a complex of things. There’s “Building a Cathedral,” that originated with the story of my father figuring how to get the cup to rotate in the microwave and stop with the handle pointed outward. That gets embedded in the building of cathedrals, his two “sweeties” and how he copes with that, his Windsor clock, “Waiting for Godot,” my grandmother’s rooster she made out of seeds in the last years of her life. And more. I am just ranging the territory that the original incident brings up.No-Need-of-Sympathy-cover

Fleda: You have a number of poems that deal with social issues as well—Americans bursting down the doors of Pakistanis, inequality of wealth, poor young men being seduced into being soldiers, relationship therapy, child labor, and so on. Was it hard for you to combine these poems with the others and keep a cohesive collection?

Self: They seemed to me to naturally fall into place. After all, family issues are also political issues, and how things work scientifically is only a larger view of how they work close-up. I hope the collection is like a microscope that zooms in and out, sees the world writ large as well as the fine print, but it’s all one experience of being alive.

Fleda: Is there a consistent tone that you feel as you read through your own collection?

Self: The quotations that begin each section are meant to suggest that. Yes, I think of these poems as explorations into the nature of what’s real and what matters. There are no answers, but the questions are the crucial part. The line from Jane Hirshfield is what I mean: “Art, by its very existence, undoes the idea that there can be only one description of the real, some single and simple truth on whose surface we may thoughtlessly walk.” So, if I had to pick a “tone,” it would be curiosity, combined with deep love of being alive. Those may be one and the same.  Another allusion to our own relationship, yes?

My Wobbly Bicycle, 40

thresholdLast December I wrote, “The moment I heard the word cancer, I could feel myself cross a threshold, on the side now of those who know they’ll die.”  I’m reporting to you, after nine months, including a lovely summer, that it IS a threshold. One can’t cross back over it.

Recently I ran across a poem by Chicago poet Debra Bruce (who's also had cancer) that gets at this. Others are “snug in their skins.” She can never again even pretend ennui. “Fear’s rare air” affords a panoramic view. It is as if she floats above the everyday obsessions. Yet at the same time, she plunges herself into them so as not to be “found” by disaster.

Ariel View

Shot from her life not once but twice,she slips her healthy body back on but can’t quite fitamong those friends snug in their skinswho marvel in murmurs at her return,who think that after such a flight, her drinkwill always be spiked. It’s true:ennui’s fake silks now slide right off her,but up there

 in the air, she preferredher place below in a pack of groundlings—ordering clothes from a catalog,searching for an herbalist to ruba liniment so profoundly into her fleshshe was bound by heat to stay down.

She doesn’t care if fear’s rare airaffords a panoramic view.Let daily errands run her around,and if disaster asks her whereaboutsagain, let’s say we’ve seen hereverywhere but that she cannot be found.

                       --Debra Bruce (from Survivor's Picnic, 2I012)

So, you bonk anyone on the head with the fact of her mortality and she’s going to wake up to her life, to some extent! She's going to become loosened from what seemed so immediate and crucial before. And she’s also going to be newly and sharply aware that she can’t control things.

I suppose one reaction to that knowledge may be a greater desire to control—more visits to the doctor/herbalist/acupuncturist, etc., an obsessive concern with food and exercise, a renewed devotion to religious practice and ritual, for example. Not that these aren’t all worthy and helpful. The operative word is “obsessive.”

Another reaction might be a greater relaxation into the moment: this is my life. It’s what I have, now. I never had anything more than that, but now I see it. Wally likes this idea. wally on bureau

In any case, there does seem to be a separation, a distance between “me” and those who’ve not yet seen their mortality staring them in the face, and also between “me” and my everyday passions, my desires, my joys and my sorrows. They’re all there, but I don’t seem to live inside them the way I used to.

Recently I had a moment of fear, and I imagined it all the way out to the end: my death. At each step, it was only what it was—not any overarching concept or ideas about death, which might scare me to death—but only a step-by-step letting go. When I got to the last step, it was only a cessation of breathing.

fleda in Kayak.2Not to leave you with that! We’re having, I think, the last of the summer-like warmth. Yesterday I took out the kayak, had a long swim, and  Jerry and I had a beautiful canoe ride. I spent a while on the end of the dock with a book. I’m reading Jim Harrison’s True North, set mostly in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. I'm enjoying "being in" the places we visited last fall in our first trip up north.

I wanted also to let you know, the launch of my new book of poems, No Need of Sympathy, will be at Brilliant Books in Traverse City on October 12, 7:00. I’d love it if you could come. My publisher, BOA Editions,  just nominated the book for the Kingsley Tufts Award, which in itself feels like an honor. If I win, the prize is $100,000! And you didn't think there was money in poetry!   No Need of Sympathy cover

My Wobbly Bicycle, 29

Hooray! My white count was 1.1. I needed 1.0, so I just squeaked by. I had my last chemo yesterday. It took two tries this time to find a decent vein. The first time the needle went in, but some scar tissue probably blocked the chemo’s flow enough to cause pressure and discomfort, so the nurse went to the other arm, the most battered one, and managed to find a good spot. Although today there are little sore nodules all along the vein.

I’ll continue to have blood tests for three weeks, and today I go in for a Neulasta shot to boost my white blood cell production.  I’m in the “chemo phase” now, which means I’m hopped up on steroids, ready to run five miles and lift weights, and will be this crazy for three days. Usually, the great fatigue and malaise begins a day or so after that. But saying “usually” makes no sense, since each time has been different.

congratsThis being the end of treatment, there was some hugging when I left. And my oncologist spent some time with me, talking about the future. You may remember his dire prediction if the cancer came back. He didn’t mention that again, and frankly, I know one person who had a recurrence that seems to be successfully treated a second time. Oh well, who knows?

What he said to me, paraphrased by me:

1. Walk out of here and forget about me, forget about this place entirely. Do not spend your life worrying.  You’ll no doubt start to get anxious before each checkup, but until then, eat ice cream, get on your paddle board, forget all this.

2. Okay, you say you’ll have a cloud over your head, but each year that goes by, the cloud will be higher up and lighter. One day you’ll hardly even see it.  (Lovely of him to say this.)

3. You can exercise as much as you want. Go ahead and get tired if you want. Just rest when you need to. If you can only walk a mile and you want to walk two, do it in increments.  (Okay, Jerry, you can get off my back now about “doing too much.”)

4. It seems that women who have a spiritual practice, a religion, do better with all this. If you do have something, you may find a much-renewed interest in that.  (Little does he know, I’ve had a passionate proclivity all my life. I’ve studied Christian theology, been a church elder— the first woman and youngest—an active Episcopalian, and now, as things have evolved, a Buddhist practitioner and sangha facilitator. ”Renewed” goes on every day, not just in times of crises.)

Speaking of every day, today is beautiful as only northern Michigan can be. Summer is short, so every perfectly warm and sunny day strikes like a gong in the mind. It’s hard not to be aware, when we know how a day like this will pass, shortly, and for that matter, how short life is. But we’d shoot ourselves—or in Jerry’s and my case, pack our bags for South Carolina—if we loved only summer. It’s the sharp turn of seasons, the swimming and kayaking,  gradually or not so gradually, giving way to high-piled snow, a glittery rolling landscape, sharp edges blunted, bright even on dull days.

street scene 3I love to walk around our neighborhood, especially in summer, when the flowers are out. I love the cracked sidewalks and each different house, all old, some beautifully restored, some ramshackle.  I cannot leave them alone. I remodel each one, I offer (mental) suggestions to the owner about how to improve the façade, what paint colors would work better. This isn’t very Buddhist of me, my desire to alter things, but I don’t care. I just watch my mind do that and watch its delight in doing it. I spend so much time with the small details of my poems (and prose), editing with as much precision as I can, so naturally, I’d say, this tendency spills over to other aesthetics. What line-break, what verb, what paint color, what flowers, will improve the aesthetics of this situation? street scene

I’ll report next week on how this last chemo phase is like or different from the others.  I’ll also talk a bit about what I’m working on. Oh yes, the galleys for my new poetry collection, No Need of Sympathy, from BOA Editions, are ready. If you know of some place or someone who would like to review it, I can have a copy sent posthaste, or as haste as the USPS is capable of.

Putting Together a Book

A collection of poems, stories, or essays has to be arranged, of course.  There’s always the default:  chronological, either by content or by date written. There’s something to that, since that gives a history of your mind on its travels. But perchance--likely, in fact--there’s a different kind of history—more of a dance—only discernible when the whole is in front of you.I don’t know any other way to do this arranging, myself, but to print out the whole manuscript and lay pages out on the floor—I’m talking about poems, now. With essays, it’s easier to keep the larger blocks in mind.I had my new book, No Need of Sympathy, ready, naturally, a year or so ago when I signed the contract with BOA. It was the best book I could put together at the time. But the book won’t come out until next October, so, anticipating that they’ll ask me for a final version just after the first of the year, I went back to work on it last week. I’ve revised a little bit. And I have a few new poems I think will work better, and a few that I’m glad to have the chance to pull out. And I’m asking myself if I still agree with myself about what goes in each section.At nearly the same time, I’m reading my friend Sydney Lea’s new collection he’s putting together.  Both his and mine are made up of individual poems, written at separate times without reference to anything ongoing, other than being part of the world we live in and reflective of the coherence of our own minds. The course of his book seems to be an emotional movement—elegaic, dark, then lyric.So many books of poems—as well as short stories—by young writers have a deliberate and prominent narrative arc. The better, I think, to rope in people who need to be pulled along to get them to read the book, which may be the state of things.One With Others, C.D. Wright.’s new book. (Well, she’s not young.) Are they poems? Are they prose? Not at all sure. There’s clearly a narrative, sustained characters, the evolution of the civil rights movement. Yet the long lines, sentences, have the feel of an epic poem.I digress. But not really. Shall I depend on the reader to be content with poem after poem, each with its own private narrative arc? (Even the lyric has a narrative undercurrent.) Or, shall I aim for a book-sized narrative, like Wright’s, or at least set the book up so that one poem hints what a later one completes?Other issues: I tend to like books with sections. I like to be stopped by a section-marker, asked to consider what these poems have in common. I like (sparely used and unpretentious) epigraphs as an added dimension, another way to relate to the poems. In other words, I like all the help I can get. All the dynamics of this writer’s world I can get.Some thoughts:1. I had a group of flower poems in Reunion. I had placed them together. My friend Dabney Stuart said to separate them, to spread their energy throughout instead of lumping it up. He was right and that’s a useful way to think about “groups” of poems. But I have a series of 10 “Grandmother Sonnets” in this new book. It makes no sense to separate them. They depend upon each other in some way. There’s kind of a movement.2. Sometimes I don’t know what a section is for, or why it’s there, but it feels right. The poems in any section could go in some other, by just thinking of them a bit differently. But generally the reader is willing to play along with the way the writer’s thinking.3. Almost any way the poems/stories/essays get arranged will have some sense to it. The writer’s mind is the container, and so everything fits, in some quirky or mundane sense.4. Arranging poems/essays/stories is really writing another poem/essay/story (Frost said this, not me). The whole needs to feel like a whole. Not anything like the sharp click of a box lid. More like a sense of having been visited by an alien being: there’s an entrance, an amazement, an exploration, and then a leaving, with the wafting of that other world still hanging in the air, doing its work.