Posts made in February, 2013

My Wobbly Bicycle, 13

Posted by on Feb 27, 2013 in Archive | 19 comments

My Wobbly Bicycle, 13

I’m on my back. The red laser-beams have me in their cross-hairs. I’m staring up at where four ceiling tiles have been replaced with light-permeable photographs of an autumn scene, a creek flowing around a rock, rocks on the bank with yellow leaves plastered against them, a yellow forest behind. All is in flux. Or, this too will pass. I try to think what’s meant, who chose this yellow autumn scene instead of green spring or high summer. The autumn of life, maybe. Nah. The foot-thick door is shut with only me inside. The machine circles and steadies itself before it starts up with its...

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My Wobbly Bicycle, 12

Posted by on Feb 20, 2013 in Archive | 15 comments

My Wobbly Bicycle, 12

Third chemo yesterday. My oncologist was a bit late for our appointment  (There’s always a pre-chemo exam). He’d been at the hospital and was obviously frustrated after talking with a patient. He didn’t give particulars, but said something like this: heart disease is the #1 killer, cancer is #2. Even though heart disease has as many variables and is as much a mystery, somehow people assume the doctor is working in their best interest with heart disease, that a stent, certain medications, are appropriate. Yet with cancer, everyone has a different tangent, an anecdotal cure, they think...

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My Wobbly Bicycle, 11

Posted by on Feb 13, 2013 in Archive | 22 comments

My Wobbly Bicycle, 11

Every week an adventure. Monday I met with the radiation team to get “mapped” for radiation, which starts a week after my next chemo. Either I still haven’t gotten used to living in the Midwest, or hospital staff everywhere are preternaturally sweet. The nurse in charge hugs me. The vile dye mixture I must drink goes down with her tender solicitations. Another dye is intravenous. Then I’m on the CT bed, my feet held slightly apart with a piece of foam and rubber banded together so they won’t move. I’m lying on a mat that, when deflated, holds my midsection in position. My hands...

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My Wobbly Bicycle, 10

Posted by on Feb 6, 2013 in Archive | 21 comments

My Wobbly Bicycle, 10

Last Tuesday’s chemo (#2)  took a while to get to me.  On Saturday, when the three days of steroids and anti-nausea pills were over, my wobbly bicycle got wobblier. Fatigue and achiness. White blood count dropped; I’ve been given an injection of Neulasta to get the bone marrow cranked up to produce more white blood cells.  Which makes my bones ache. Lying awake, I was pondering again this compulsion—it is that—to say exactly what this is like, what anything is like. I was seeing the intersection of writer and reader, not as an intersection, but as a singularity.  We’re not...

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