Posts made in December, 2012

My Wobbly Bicycle, 4

Posted by on Dec 26, 2012 in Archive | 20 comments

December 26 and coasting. My appointment with the surgeon is Jan. 3. I suppose we’ll start chemo soon after that. Meanwhile, my poor body is recovering from the sudden extraction of its heretofore valuable parts. I still want a nap in the afternoons, but I can walk or stay on the treadmill for 30 minutes, no problem. Susan Sontag, in her book, Illness as Metaphor, railed against the “blame the victim” idea that our illnesses “fit” our psychology, that our repressions make themselves known in the body in appropriate areas. She insisted that it’s all straight physiology, nothing to...

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My Wobbly Bicycle, 3

Posted by on Dec 19, 2012 in Archive | 25 comments

My Wobbly Bicycle, 3

What a difference one phone call makes! My CAT scan is normal. No additional tumors that the surgery missed. Still chemo ahead of me. But. I’ve been anxious. And gloomy. With each previous test, I’d been a bit nonchalant, since I felt fine. I’ve always been so healthy, yet each time the results have been worse than I imagined. Keats’ sonnet has played in my head: “When I have fears that I may cease to be/ before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain. . . .” I especially know his mood at the end of the poem: “then on the shore / Of the wide world I stand alone, and think, / Till...

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My Wobbly Bicycle, 2

Posted by on Dec 11, 2012 in Archive | 33 comments

My Wobbly Bicycle, 2

I’m gathering information, deciding between joining a clinical trial group or not (decided not), getting a CAT scan, looking online at wigs and caps, preparing for my 3-4 month blast of chemo and radiation, the vicious murder of all fast-growing cells in my body. In battle-mode, people say. She’s “fought” her cancer. After a long “battle” with cancer, he succumbed. I’m interested in the language. How fiercely we want to survive. Of course we do. I do. The cancer is in my lymph nodes. Not what we’d wanted to hear. I love it that my friends want to pull their light-swords...

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My Wobbly Bicycle

Posted by on Dec 2, 2012 in Archive | 36 comments

My Wobbly Bicycle

Socrates is a man. All men are mortal. Therefore Socrates is mortal. Yes, but. Our minds somehow maneuver us around this roadblock, or shut down and refuse to see. I am wondering how to say this. I am thinking that matters of life and death are to be approached with reverence, even when the reverence is turned awkwardly into a joke. When it is our own life that’s in danger, it seems arrogant to freight it with grand importance; it seems trivializing not to;  it seems negligent not to talk about it. I found out  three weeks ago that I have endometrial cancer. I had surgery on Thursday. The...

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